Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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