I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
