So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't notice because vodka
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
