weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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