There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
