Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
