Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
