dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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