Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
