Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
