Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
