nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
