i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
