you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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