so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
