The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
