Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
