its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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