I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
