He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
