All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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