Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
