my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The adults are the big ones right?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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