I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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