Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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