Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
