@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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