i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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