turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
