did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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