i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
A bitchslap is in order.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
