guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
