Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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