oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
