And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
