I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
