Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm at about main and main street
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
