It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
