Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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