my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
