how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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