Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
