I think im going to throw up on grandma
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
