Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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