My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
