Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
