i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
