your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
