I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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