i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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