I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
