WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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