the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
