I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
