I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I FOUND THE LEGS
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
