I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
