if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
