apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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