do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
