call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
